Rain and Puddles
It seems like only yesterday that I was running around, umbrella in hand, in the rain. I donned my raincoat, gleamed, and darted outside. The rain was pouring down, and I jumped in excitement. The cold of the rain matched with my warm beating heart. It made me happy. I took my first excited look at the puddle and I jumped. Splash. Joy filled my heart, and rain fanned off as I twirled my cheap $8 Deals World umbrella. Thankfully, it didn't break. I kept jumping up and down into puddles, water soaking my clothes. A waterfall of droplets dropped off my jacket and umbrella. Rocks leaving splashes left and right. As I get colder I'm forced to go inside my house, don my blanket, and sit by the fire.
The rain continues outside for several hours, taunting me. My dogs curled up to me, sleeping in the warm heat of the fire. As I dry off, I reflect on my day, thinking about how amazing it was to dance in the rain, just like a child.
About Me
I made a tumblr!
http://assortmentofalex.tumblr.com/
8 comments:
Just like a child... I love this ending, it's just enchanting. Simple, cozy. It has a childlike innocence.
Your beginning reminded me very much of the writing of Albert Camus. Concise and honest. I will complain about Camus now and again, but you've captured the subtle style that made me appreciate him.
Thanks for the comment! I've never heard of Camus, any reccomendations?
Hey Alex, I really enjoyed your story, it was very relatable
A few suggestions:
- I think you used "gleamed/gleaming" one time too many
-also be careful with comma placements
ex: Joy filled my heart, and rain fanned off my umbrella, as I twirled it. ( i dont think you need any of these commas)
-finally I think that it should be "getting water everywhere" instead of "water getting everywhere"
Good job, very descriptive!
Hm, thanks for the criticism. I agree, I always use way too many commas in my work, and it's been a problem for me (commas, I mean), and I do tend to repeat words that I like in any given day, too, so thanks for calling that out.
p.s. I'm not quite sure what you mean when you say "gleamed". Perhaps you "beamed"? As in, smiled really widely?
Your blog looks great. I need to get a search bar on mine. The detail of the story made it easy to visualize myself on a rainy day. I would think about quotations around "deals world."
- "..my cheap $8, Deals World, umbrella."
I also think it would be interesting to describe how cold the weather was. I feel more detail of why you had to go back inside would really enhance this post.
Awe, how sweet. I liked the different way you portrayed the splashes, and how it made you feel.
Just wondering... Why would you bother with an umbrella if you got soaked anyways? :P
Hahaha, thanks Ziven. I just like my umbrella, that's all.
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